Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Wednesday Blues

I've got the Wednesday blues!! I can't seem to shake this funk I'm in! I'm so unbelievably tired for some reason, and I enrolled my son today for his first year of middle school. Maybe that's it?? I'm not exactly sure what to make of it, I honestly want to jump in bed right now, but it's only 8:30 pm. I'm actually hiding in the basement right now, because my company is no good to anyone. When I'm having the blues, then no one in my house is happy!! That's why I decided to come down here for a while.

I really hate feeling this way, like nothings ever good enough. Or how are we going to pay for this and that, or I'm tired of dealing with unnecessary drama. I just want one full week of no money troubles, no fighting amongst kids, happy, laughing hysterically, and eating or doing whatever it is we want to!! That would be nice huh! It's always something...

I've been trying to get kids for my daycare, and when I think I'm getting close to getting a few something happens. I did get one baby, yay!! I had a couple mom's call and wanting an interview with me, so I clean up the house spotless, make sure the kids and husband are scares, and wait. I wait and wait and wait... They never showed up! If they knew how frustrating that was!! We talk all this time to get ready for them, and they just blow you off. It's pretty disappointing, especially when you know their kid/kids would love your daycare and you REALLY need the income. Oh well, what can you do.

So Wednesday is almost over, which means maybe Thursday will be a better day :)... Hey, Saturday my mother in law is taking me shopping and out to lunch! That would cheer anyone up. Ok, so typing about my Wednesday Blues has made me feel better, and I think I am ready to go upstairs and face the family... Sometimes it's really nice to have this blog, something to kind of spill all your thoughts out. Maybe nobody is listening, but it doesn't matter, you are still talking about it!!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Birthday Bash!!

Today is my stepdaughter's 7th birthday, and we are having cake and ice cream for her. I remember when I first met my husband two years ago and she had just turned 5. This goes along with my Blog about they grow up so fast. She has really changed, but came out of her shell. She use to be pretty shy and timid, but now she is pretty talkative and not afraid to speak her mind! Must get it from her step mom ;)... I think the hardest thing EVER is blending families! It's been two years since we've been together, and one year since we married and it's STILL tough. We get the hang of it a little more every day. Just got to keep your head in the game. So it's important to be as one, especially for birthdays...

It's funny because my mother in law called me the other day and asked if I wanted her to make her a cake. I told her no, we always buy our kids cakes so we will do it for her this year. Last year was her first year with having a birthday party with us, so we made it a big deal! Her aunt made a candy land cake for her. Yes, her aunt is VERY talented. Yes, I said first birthday because when I first met my husband, his daughter's mom wasn't very nice and hardly let him see her. So we took her to court and got our every other weekend, holiday's, stuff like that.

So this year I went to buy her a cake, and oh my goodness!! They are sooo expensive!!! I've never really noticed it before! I guess because I never thought of making one, I don't know why. My kids always got store bought, as I did as a kid. Dang, I almost made one but was determined to have a store bought one at the time I talked to my mother in law, I couldn't bring myself to make one. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I've been kicking myself ever since I bought it! I won't tell my mother in law that though, Ha ha!

We are trying to do it the cheap route this year, since we don't have much funds, so I bought plain balloon's and I'm going to write "Happy Birthday" on them with a magic marker. Hey it works! I really hope she has a good birthday with us again, and I hope she gets all she deserves... Happy Birthday Kiddo!!!

Oh, and let me know if who ever reads this wants to comment, and it won't let them. It let me comment fine on my own... Ummm!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

My Crazy Dreams

I don't know why, but for as long as I can remember I have always had some crazy dreams!! Last night was one of them, I dreamed that I was outside on some kind of outing with my sister, my 3 year old, and a bunch of people I didn't know. The things that stand out the most about it, was we were outside surrounded by a whole bunch of things, then you look to your right, it's starting to storm and tons of cloud to cloud lightning. So we run under a tent, everyone is amazed at the lighting saying at least it's not ground lightning. At that moment I look to my left and see ground lighting, so I yell we do have ground lightning! To our horror we look, and all the lights we had go out. We see this weird twisting shape in the darkness and figure out it's a Tornado!!

So we all run, holding hands trying not to trip on anything, to a house and we make it. The house is shaking and I ask where the basement is. Then here comes this other couple with two little girls with them. I realize at that time that one of them is my 3 year old!!!! I couldn't believe, even in my dream, that I never thought to grab my child!! This wakes me up, and for about an hour I lay in bed thinking how could I forget my child! Knowing that it is a dream, but I still think do I really only think of myself, how could I only make sure I was safe... I'm not really sure how dreams work, but they sure do wake me up a lot.

I remember one dream I had about my brother right after he passed, which was in 2003. I still remember like it was yesterday. He had muscular dystrophy so he was in a wheel chair and had to be taken care of, for the most part. Great, spunky, funny, very touching young man. He was 21 when he passed, but he was my best friend. He was younger than me, so me being the big sister I always protected him. Even from the teasing when he was little because he couldn't run very fast, or really anyone that gave him a hard time. I beat up alot of young boys in my child hood days :)

Anyways, I remember he was in my dream and I was in a pool. I ended up getting him and carrying him around in the pool. We talked, and I said Michael I didn't want you to leave me, I wasn't ready for you to go. I remember holding on to him soo tight, like protecting him because I always tried. He said I know but I had to, it's ok... Brings tears to my eyes still to this day just thinking about that dream. I couldn't protect him from death, and I still struggle with that.

Dreams are weird and crazy, but can be so funny and kind too. Heck, I even find myself dreaming of my husband cheating on me and will wake up and actually be mad at him!! LOL... yeah, that seems to always make him laugh too. The crazy thing is I can remember alot of the bad ones, but not many of the good ones... I know I've woke up just laughing away at myself, but can't remember why. Why is that I wonder?? I'm sure they have a purpose and meaning, I have just never looked in to. Maybe I should some day... You never know what you might find out, or do I even want to know!! Maybe I'll just try to focus on the good ones and try harder to remember those... Either way, dreams can be soo crazy!!

Friday, July 24, 2009

They grow up soo fast!

Yesterday the kids and I went over to my best friends house to go swimming. She had her two kids plus her 13 year old niece. My son is 11 years old, and I never thought it would happen. Here he is in the pool playing keep away/tag with this 13 year old girl!! They were flirting!! My baby boy is flirting with this girl!! Actually I think she was the one really flirting. Every time we looked she had him in a head lock. My friend and I just watched them and talked about when we were that age.

Man, I remember being about 12 and going to Oklahoma for the summer to visit my mom. My sister, brother and I would go to the pool about every day. We would play chase/tag with these boys, and of course I had a huge crush on this boy named Josh. He was soo cute I thought!! So of course you have to act like you hate them, but really you like them. At that time, I don't think boys were all that crazy about girls as we were crazy about boys. They played with us alright, but to them that doesn't mean anything! They were just trying to win... Heck sounds like guys now days too :)

So on the way home from my friends house, I ask my son why he was flirting with this girl. He was so shocked I asked that because he was NOT flirting!! He couldn't even think of why I would even think that! Ha ha!! It seems like just yesterday when we were teaching him how to play catch at 3. He kept throwing the ball in the opposite direction because he thought it was funny to see us run after it.Oh, and who can forget his first day of kindergarten! I took a ton of pictures, and of course cried like a baby when I walked out of the school, and now he is flirting with girls and about to start middle school. Makes me sad in a way... Wow, they just grow up way too fast. I don't think I'm ready for this, but don't have a choice. I guess I will just go with the flow and prepare myself for a VERY bumby ride!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Nothing like hanging with Friends

Since the little one has been born, I've been staying at home pretty much all the time. I have kind of lost touch with all my friends. Now that the little one is 3 months old, I am ready to get back out and let it be known I am still here!! LOL...

Yesterday, I got in contact with 3 of my really good friends that I had not talked to in a long time. I found out some information that was new to me, one is now single, the other is now in Real Estate, and last but not least my dearest friend, well nothing has really changed for her :)...

Tomorrow I got invited over to my friends out to go swimming!! I'm soo excited! She's my best friend ever, and I really have only seen her 2 or 3 times since I've been pregnant and had the baby. I talked to her forever last night, it's crazy how much gossip we both have missed in our lives!! Not only that, reminiscing about the good ole days... Man we've been through a lot. We've been through, deaths, break-ups, babies, marriage, just about anything you can think of. I forgot how fun it was to just talk to her, and how much I really missed her! I really forgot how lucky I was to have her.

So tomorrow is our day, and the kid's day... Swimming, sun bathing, and hey maybe even a glass of wine for old times sake!! I remember we would have our little get togethers years ago, before all the babies, and every time we would drink wine she ALWAYS spilled it on her shirt. Every picture we have of those times you can see the spot perfectly... LOL!! Of course I was always and angel, ok we all know not true ha ha! Anyways, tomorrow I get to spend the day with the greatest friend I have ever known...

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

What on earth could it be??

So I'm giving my 3 year old a bath this morning, and I notice around her belly button area is red and her belly button looks swollen. It's usually an innie but it's almost and outy... I tried to google it and get on webmd to look it up, but nothing! I couldn't find a single thing about it!!

Every one's main question is, "is it a bug bite?" I don't think it is because I can't find a bug bite, and it doesn't Itch or bother it. It doesn't hurt her, but it's a little hard on the belly button... I will upload a picture and if any one can shed some light on what they think, that would be great! I'm so paranoid when it comes to my kids, but I would be devastated if anything was to happen to them... they are my life!
Any opinions... please share!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Another weekend gone by...

Another weekend has come and gone. They seem to do this more frequently these days... Pretty soon it will be my birthday and I will be 30 years old. I don't know exactly how to feel about that... I'm a little sad and in disbelieve! How did the time go by soo fast! It seems like yesterday I was 15 taking my sister's car, with out permission, and driving through the streets of our small town. It was a gear stick car, and I parked it in the driveway thinking Oh wow I got a way with it!! The next thing I know I am hearing honking outside, I look out and my sister's car had come out of gear and was in the middle of the street blocking traffic!!! Luckily nobody hit it and everything was okay... except of when my sister came home and had heard about it.

I still feel like I'm about 23!! I mean do you really ever feel your age the older you get? My parents so sometimes, but not that often. I still remember when my mom was in her 20's!! These weekends going by so quickly doesn't help either... :( Oh well, as long as it's a good weekend I guess it's ok. I just wish they were longer!!! We should have shorter work weeks and longer weekends!! Wouldn't that be ideal... I guess I will get my week started and look forward to the next weekend to come :)

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Fitness BootCamp

So, this morning I joined my sister in her workout world. She joined a Fitness Boot Camp and they offered a free class this Saturday. She asked me if I would take it with her, of course at first I was like Heck Yeah, I'll be there!! Then as the days kind of went by it was more like what am I getting myself in to...

Saturday morning comes around, and my sister is at my house about 7:40 am to pick me for our workout. We get there and say Hi to everyone and line up to stretch a little. It's then I realize this is going to be WAY harder than I thought. Here we are trying to touch our toes (which I can't, by the way), doing jumping jacks, and the runner stretch. I am already gasping for air!! This class is an hour and a half, how in the world!!!!

After that they put us in to two different groups, the runners and the walkers. Of course I'm on the walker side, my sister a runner (show off LOL), and we start to brisk walk. I have all these older ladies passing me and I'm already tired, we have just started!!! I couldn't even keep up with the brisk walk!! That is soo sad, here I am 29 years old and these older ladies are giving me a run for my money. We end up stopping at a bridge, then the instructor says, "place your hands on the ledge and lets do push ups," so we do 10 of those and he says, "turn around and place your hands behind you on the ledge and lets do backwards push ups." We did 3 sets of these, then we are off again on our walk.

We end up running in to the runners at this big hill. I think to myself please tell me we are not running up this hill... Not only did we run up this hill 3 times, we had to run up it backwards 3 times!! I almost throw up at this point... So now we are done with the hill and have to jog to our next destination. I'm feeling very faint and nausea's, but push on. We do a little ground work with the legs, not that bad and actually cooled me down from the hill. Then off to the obstacle course, we had to run in between this ladder on the floor (my feet were so confused), then do like this basketball drill and go side to side from one cone to another.

After that we had to run across the parking lot with a parachute tied to the back of us. Wasn't as bad as I thought, the hill was much worse to me. Last but not least we had to lay in a parking lot and do sit ups, crunches, mostly Abe work out. My back was on fire!!! It wasn't the sit ups really, it was the concrete that was the killer!!! But by this time, I was feeling pretty good!! All the other ladies that were passing me, even my sister, where moaning and hollering about how they couldn't do anymore. I was soo proud of myself!!! I survived my first boot camp and actually enjoyed it!!! I've got to give the older ladies credit too, they NEVER quit!!! I was proud of everyone there... It's tough!

I'm sure tomorrow I will be telling a different story, but I'm just glad I actually made it through with out throwing up, like my sister thought ;) Trying new things is scary, but you got to do it to experience the joys of life!! Hey, what would you lose... Nothing! So try new things, push yourself. In the end it just makes you feel better... :)

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Better Luck next time

So I waited for an hour for that lady to come over for an interview for Daycare. She never showed up or even called. I called her, but of course did not answer. I was really excited about it too!! I guess I got my hopes up and I shouldn't have.

I really had my fingers crossed too, this would have been the perfect opportunity to get back on our feet. I guess for some reason it wasn't meant to be, as sad as it makes me. Umm... what is going to happen next? I don't know, but for some reason I'm really not that stressed about it. I don't know why, but I really wish she would have called. I was going to go look for a part time job today, but had soo much confidence in the fact that it would have worked out that I didn't. Now I'm kind of kicking myself... :(

I know they say God has a plan, well I would sure like to know what it is. I wouldn't think he would let my family suffer more than we have, but I guess it could be worse. I'm just going to have a positive outlook on it, and wait for the next call.... Oh well, better luck next time!!

Don't give up!!

Just when I was about to give up on doing the whole Daycare thing, I got 3 calls from 3 different moms yesterday!!! They are coming over for an interview today, so I hope I can show them how serious I am about keeping their kids educated and safe!! There are soo many wackos out there that I don't trust that many people with my kids, plus some experiences I've had with Daycare haven't been the best at all!! That was one reason why I started it, so parents don't have to worry...

It's really crazy!! When I was about to give up and get a part time job and not care anymore, I actually got 3 calls! I mean nothings official yet, but it gives me hope that being patient and not stressing about it actually helps...

So lets keep our fingers crossed that they actually chose me to watch over their little ones... I promise I will do the best job possible!!!

Monday, July 13, 2009

How will it all come together

Man, what a crazy day I've had!! I just enrolled to be a full time student at a local College for the first time. I have taken on 5 classes!!! I didn't realize that was a lot until everyone was saying OMG!!! Now, I'm a little freaked out!!

I had recently quit my job when my baby was born because we couldn't afford Daycare, so I decided to try to run a Daycare. I got my license and all, but no kids! I guess everyone is doing it these days. So I try and run back to my old job and ask if they will take me part time. They said yes, so I go to my old babysitter and say hey will you take my kids for me part time? Her reply, "well, I'm starting school full time and we are thinking about moving. So Im not sure I'm going to be doing Daycare." Now these people introduced my husband and I so I trust them. I don't trust a lot of people with my babies, so I can not see my self leaving them with just anyone.

Now I have to search for a part time night job... I just wish I could find something that way all the searching and stressing will be gone. I'm ready to relax and kick my feet up and say hey we are stable and that's good enough for me right now. I'm sure it will work out evently, until then I will just pop open a beer (after the kids are in bed of course) and enjoy my days of not working or school for the time being :)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Babies, Babies!!

So I have really been enjoying my 2 month old. Just a little talking to her and she smiles from ear to ear!! Love it!! At first I thought my 3 year old was going to have a hard time with mom having a new baby. Reason being at Daycare they had a new little baby and my 3 year laid on her for some reason, and also put a blanket over her face!! I was freaked out by this!!!

But to my surprise she was the complete opposite! She is soo kind and loving to her! She calls her "our baby". When the baby cries she always says "Awwe, her wants me" and comes over and give her a hug. She wants to help feed her and make her bottles. She even helped me change her diaper yesterday! She's a great big sister!! She'll dance and sing around her, and the baby just stares at her and smiles... Even just seeing her big sister's face she just smiles! It's the cutest thing ever! My little girl doesn't have a jealous bone in her body, and she amazes me everyday... She sure did prove her mommy wrong. Way to go Sis!! :)

Now I'm not sure what exactly colic is, but I wonder if the baby has it. She of course cries when she is hungry, but then after she eats she will be fine for a little while and then start crying again for no reason. I figure it's gas, but I give her gas medicine every time after she eats, but she still cries. It's like she gets bored easy or something. Now if you stand up and hold her, or pat her bottom she seems to be ok... Spoiled maybe?? :)

I also have an 11 year old, and he helps out by holding the baby when we are making a bottle, but that's about it. He's too busy in his almost teenage world, playing video games or watching tv. It's almost like I have to pay him just to go outside and play! When I was his age, you couldn't keep me inside! Especially during the summers... Funny thing is, is that I'm starting school and I have to take a test to see where I am. I was studying last night for the math part, and I had to ask him for help LOL!! So here we are son and mom studying math together!! But it brought something out in him, here I was ready to call it a night but he was still wanting to keep studying!! I was like wow this has NEVER happen before LOL!! So it looks like this will be a good way to get his homework done, we can do ours together.

Wow, they grow up so fast... Just talking about them gets me all teary eyed. I guess I will just cherish these moments and except the fact that they will not stay babies forever :(

Saturday, July 11, 2009

On to more Positive things

So, I have just enrolled for College!!!! Actually I'm going to enroll in my classes on Monday, but I applied for my FASSA and preenrollement at the school... I'm soo excited!!!

I'm almost 30 years old and have never dreamed I would go to College! I had my son right after High School, so I never even planned on really going to College. I had to work full time to support him and wouldn't have anybody to keep im at night so I could go. Plus I would have never gotten to see him. Back then they didn't have online classes... No I can be a full time student over the computer. No babysitter needed!! And I can do it once the kids go to bed. I'm thinking about looking in to Accounting, that's what my mother in law does. I liked it in High School.

The cool thing about it is my mom, in her late 40's, just graduated College! She went back and now she is a Respiratory Therapist, and I'm soo proud of her :) Way to go mom...

Anyways, had to share my exciting news!!!

Since the Last one was a flop!!

Ok so I got a pretty harsh critic on my last blog so I deleted it and putting this one in it's place... Man, I really thought that Blogging was kind of like a journal, say what's on your mind kind of think. I guess for some people they would rather not see that, you can't be friends with everyone and there are people who are not going to like what you are going to say. I don't know about you, but I'm not perfect that's for sure, well most of the time LOL J/K!!!

I'm a big believer of thinking of the other persons feelings, but a lot of the time people don't believe the same when it comes to mine. Is that selfish?? I get called selfish sometimes by people I love, but I don't believe it selfish, I believe it's about being important too!! I don't ask to be important that much, but when I do it's because it's extremely important to me. Sooo important I can't even sleep at night. When I think I should be a little more important I get told something else is more important than me. Breaks my heart, but I'm sure it's the truth and who can be mad at that.

I would NEVER take away the importance of some things, just think that just because you move the important thing to a different date doesn't mean it looses any importance of it at all. It's just the date!! Anyways, I'm sure I lost everyone, only some people know what I am talking about... Isn't it ok to be important sometimes?? I always have it on my mind and cry alot about it, just want to feel a little important. Dang, it's just a date, not asking to take away from it's importance. How do you think that makes me feel about my important date...

Make sure to always make people in your life feel important when needed... It could make everyone feel a lot better for at least for their important day :)

Friday, July 10, 2009

How Awesome Sleep Is!!!

Wow, for the first time in 11 weeks, I have actually got to sleep with out waking up!!! My daughter slept all night!!!! I thought I would wake up and freak out that I hadn't hear her, but I didn't... I must have been sleeping pretty good (might of been the wine I had last night ;). Man, how soon I forget what it feels like to sleep in! I even had to wake up my husband to see if he had woken up and feed her to make sure...

I'm sooo refreshed right now, I feel like I could run a marathone!!! LOL Ummm... not really! Hopefully these becomes a trend for her and she likes it to, and she keeps doing it. We will see I guess. Cross your fingers for me!!!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Oh Dear Wine!!

So I think my favorite thing to do is drink wine with the mother-in-law... :) Drinking wine makes all the money, kids, and outside drama on the back burner for the time being. Also, I've noticed it doesn't make me gain wait like the beer does... LOL

Drinking wine I feel myself almost dancing in a field of sunflowers!! LOL no, I just saw a picture of sunflowers on my mother in laws wall... So why do i then start typing weird and having to delete everything I've pretty much wrote because I can't spell worth a darn now!! LOL... Oh, it's just me having fun!! Kids are a sleep, diapers are changed, night lights are on, husband is watching UFC (it's a cool show). So now it's my time... and I'm just smiling at the computer sharing my thoughts with my Blog. Man, must be the wine taling!!! Wonder whats going to come out in my blog on my birthday next month then... Just kidding :) Have a good night...


Not sure why it's not showing my top Blog... Ummm. At least I can't see it. How do I fix??

Stress of Money

Wow, I guess I never REALLY realized the stress on a marriage and a household due to not having money and knowing no money is really coming your way. It's kind of stupid that I still, at almost 30 years old, have to rely on my parents for help!! This economy is doing a number on my family that's for sure. I'm tired of fighting with my husband, and not being able to go to sleep because I'm thinking how am I going to get through this. It's like I'm more stressed, then happy! I miss being happy!!

Why can't their be real jobs that allow you to work from home, that you don't need a degree in or anything like that. Heck, I know there is Daycare and I've tried that, but no luck really. I had to deal with a crazy parent, and that was not fun!

Hopefully one day it will work itself out, and everything will be happy again, until then I guess we take one day at a time...

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Tummy Time

Ok, I have never had so much trouble with Tummy time before!! It's more like get mad and throw a fit for an hour time. My 2 month old HATES tummy time, and I feel like she is not on the right track with her head holding. I'm not sure what to do, but it's frustrating!!! My other kids were easy, but not this one.

I have the Boppy pillow and that helps for like 5 seconds... What do I do?? I'm at my witts end! My family things I'm over reacting, and maybe I am. But I have this friend whose daughter is a couple days younger than mine, and I will tell her how mine hates tummy time. So what does she do, she will send me pictures of her daughter holding her head up sooo good and text me to tell me that she even rolls over and loves tummy time!!! So that makes me more determined to help my baby girl out... Any suggestions??

First time is Hopefully a charm

So this is the first time I have even tried to Blog. No Blogging on myspace or even writing down my life story in a journal. Right now, I'm just sitting at my computer wondering what the future will hold for me and my family. My two month old is screaming in the background while I sit here and ponder how we are going to make it through this month and the months to come. You see I have always worked full time. I have 3 children, one 11, one 3, and of course my 2 month old (which is now being quiet as mommy types). I got married in 08, for the first time and this is when we conceived our 2 month old.

My other 2 children are pretty much from a dead beat dad so I've always had to be the bread winner. Now that we have had our baby, I've been out of work and can't stand it!!! We can't afford daycare, so I tried to start up my own. Well, with the economy being so bad these days, that's what's on every body's agenda so no hope in finding children :(... So now we are left not knowing where else to go, so now I turn to hopefully you to help give me advise on how to get through the rough times... Until next time!!