I find myself writing about things that happen with the family or the kids. I put in my occasional stories with school or my brother, but I never really take time for me. Thanks to an email I just received from a loved one, I think I'm going to talk about just me.
I don't really think that people get me alot of the time. Heck what's there to get! I've always kind of put myself on the back burner to everybody else, and it was fine to be that person. But then when it came time to me being number one, it's never really been important enough to anybody else, even if it was extremely important to me. I am a honest person, not fake. I am a good listener and I don't judge most the time. Only when someone has done something bad to my family or in my life will I judge you. I am the person that gets left out or forgotten about. I actually see this alot in my son as well. I don't know why that is, but I've pointed it out to my husband and he agrees. There for a while I thought I was just being too emotional about it or something. My opinions don't really matter to the people that I want them to matter to.
Here are a couple of crazy examples, and people will probably kill me for writing these things, at my bachorlette party I actually bought most of my drinks. I think only two people bought me a drink that night, nobody thought to buy my drinks. I'm not the type of person to say hey buy me a drink. On my wedding day, nobody decorated our car. It was more like everybody was worried about themselves and not the people getting married. It was such a weird vibe! My husband was glad they didn't decorate, but I think it goes back to my past and never being taken seriously.
I've learned to be tough and on my own because I was forced to. I got pregnant at 17 with a guy that wasn't so nice to me or my family at the time. My dad ended up taking a new car I had gotten away from me, even though I was paying for it, and gave it to my sister while he paid for it. When my son was born my family didn't help out to much. I remember my dad gave me this little car I call a rabbit, but the first time he saw the dad driving it he took it away. So here I was 18 at the time with a two month old and no car. I had to buy it from him in order to get it back. I had no money! I couldn't go to them for help or support. The only one that really supported me and that I could talk to was my brother. Heck my own grandma would talk bad about me. I was just trying to live with out my family really in my life and that's not easy. I made some really bad choices as a parent, but I learned from them. Everything that I did I did for my baby. If I saw it hurt him in some way I didn't do it again. He deserved the best life and support that I felt like I never got.
He's dad wasn't the greatest at all!! He cheated, went to to jail, hit me, even in front of our son. He belittled me and made me feel like I couldn't do anything right, but I loved him. Even though he did some bad things, I knew he loved me and there were times where he was there for me when nobody else was. The stronger I got, the more mature and grown up I got. Eventually we split ways, but it really wasn't on a bad note. I know it sounds like he is a bad person, but he really isn't and if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be where I am today. That was years ago that he put me through all that and we both learned. I don't hate him, heck I still have love for the guy and to this day we still have a pretty good relationship and get a long. I wish him nothing but the best and I mean that. It still makes me laugh just thinking about how well that guy still knows me!!! We will talk and he'll say things like I know you better than you know yourself, man he's right! Lol...
Another thing I don't understand is how easy I am to forget. My sister is such a people's pleaser and she still has tons of friends back from her high school days. People flock to her for some reason. She's one of those people that goes along with whatever to please them. We are totally different! I don't talk to a single sole from high school. I would go out of my way to help anybody out, but they just don't keep in touch with me. Like even know, since I'm not working somewhere and don't see many people, all of my friends have lost touch with me. I'll send them a text and try to hang out or something, but they don't have the time for me. Perfect example, I have this cousin who has gone through soo many hard times and has been through so much!! I've went out of my way to email her, or send a birthday card telling her how proud of her I am and love her so much. My sister hasn't done any of that, but my cousin doesn't keep in contact with me but does my sister. I just don't get it! Sometimes it bothers me, but heck I should be use to it by now. It's been this way my whole life.
If you think about it though, I've been the one to really come out on top. I haven't really needed any help in life in a while because my family didn't help early in life. It made me independent, and others have to rely on parents. My grandma ended up being soo proud of me before she passed. I ended up with a great husband and I'm truly happy!!! Other's in life that have over looked me in some kind of way are not. It worked out for me and that had to do with everything I worked for. I guess I need to just think about me sometime. It's so hard for me to do that. I'm not even sure if I'll post this. I hate talking about my self like this. I think it makes me vulnerable. If I do post it, this will probably be the last time I ever post anything like this... Moral of the story is to tell myself "hey woman, you are a strong and happy woman! You are great and people that over look you are missing out. I love you!" Ha ha... that seems so strange to type. Thank you to the person that reminded me of me :) I did end up on top!